On Being Human - End of Year Reflection

When it comes to the end of a calendar year, I tend to become quite introspective and think about a lot of things that have happened over the year, and previous years. 

This comes with positive and negative emotions, but overall I think it’s a pretty beneficial experience and it makes me more self aware: of who I am and who I want to be as a person.

Last week was also a pretty big milestone for myself, given I have just turned 27. Looking back, I have changed significantly over the course of the past 4 to 5 years. 

Being honest, if you asked me then where would I see myself at 27 - I probably would not have seen much, if anything. 

From the outside looking in back then, there would not have been many major signs of those negative emotions and a desire to self destruct at all times. But that just goes to show how much you can actually tell about a person based solely on external judgements.

I’ve probably gone through some of the toughest times in my life over the past few years (I hope - would be doing well to top it), yet I have a much stronger desire for life now than I did back then before these ‘bad’ things happened.

With tough times, come life experiences and learnings. 

A few things I’ve picked up during these trying times:

Ego is the enemy, but so is envy

Everyone you envy, look up to, or who's shoes you wish you were in wish you were in. What do they all have in common? They are all human. They all experience a vast array of emotions. They all have struggles.

That muti-millionaire CEO? His wife and kids hate him and use him for his money.

That perfect family, in their perfect home, with their perfect kids? One of them will be given a terminal diagnosis in a few months, tearing their lives apart.

That local business owner who is thriving? She is struggling so much with her finances and has no social support.

We all have our own struggles and battles. You have no idea what anyone is going through. Be kind. Have compassion. You can still strive for more, while being grateful for what you have.

Different people, different times

Different people will fulfil different purposes at different stages of your life. You can’t stay in close contact with everyone, always. That’s perfectly normal.

When I was younger I always thought it was quantity of relationships that mattered, and popularity would bring with it fulfilment. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Once you have some close friends you can truly trust, and some family you love - you are doing very well. 

It does make me a little bit sad when I think about all the great people that I have crossed paths with who I would love to still be close to, but the reality is you drift away. I can’t remember the last time I ‘fell out’ with someone, but it is normal to drift from people at different times and life stages.

I have no doubt that there will be some people who I was close with years ago and have since drifted from, who will come back in to my life for the long-term.

With that being said, there are also people who are gone for a reason.

Communication is key for a quiet mind

Communicate widely and openly. This is one area where I have seen a lot of improvement in myself over the years, but has needed a LOT of work. In the past I bottled up emotions, both positive and negative, and never told people what needed to be said out of fear or to avoid conflict. 

Now, I have seen the power of strong communication - with your friends, family, colleagues, romantic partner and so on. If you love someone, tell them. If someone did something wrong or something that is bothering you, tell them. Tell them now when it’s minor, before it builds and breathes resentment.

Your relationships will be stronger for it.

You will get the greatest strength from your toughest times.

If you follow me on social media, you will probably have seen me talk about my sister Michelle a couple of times. As I type this it is the 30th of January. Tomorrow will be her 5 year wedding anniversary, and 12 days from now will be 5 years since she died. 

I don’t say it lightly when I say she showed strength I did not know was humanly possible. I could not imagine the deep, internal pain she felt knowing she would die in a short-time and leave behind her two children, aged 2 and 9.  

Seeing her attitude through such severe adversity changed my outlook and perspective on life completely. It put the important things into perspective, and made me realise how frivolous some of my worries were. Life is way too short to live it based off of what you think other people’s perspective of you are.

Be true to yourself, life is far too short not to.

This is just a little bit of my reflection over the last few days, which will probably continue for the next couple of weeks given the time of year.

I hope you are all doing your best to put yourself first, both physically and mentally.

If you are struggling with something, it will be temporary. Reach out to somebody, anybody.

Life can be tough, and confusing - but it is short and it is worth living.